Christ, they never sleep, do they?! Even when dawn has only just broken on a brand new year, members of the Butt-Rock Brigade are already making themselves known, and asserting that—regrettably—they don’t look to be slowing down. Emil Bulls might have more longevity on their side, but they’ve also lived through the heydays of both nu-metal and radio-rock, without the notoriety to show for it. Therefore, they’re in the complete dead zone frequented by bands like this, not big enough to pay attention to, and not interesting or dynamic enough to care about. And nowhere does evidence for that come more thick and fast (figuratively speaking; it’s actually a total slog) than Love Will Fix All.
But, like…you know that already, right? If it weren’t the case, Emil Bulls might have been more than a footnote in hard rock for almost three decades. True, there are worse bands that get bigger shares of the pie, but doesn’t that just prove the point more? To be deemed too average or un-noteworthy to be worth platforming in a field where homogeneity is the name of the game at the best of times is like a spike through the heart, and yet Emil Bulls clearly haven’t been fazed. Maybe there’s stoicism to that that’s worth praising; maybe it’s just foolhardiness when they’re still so beholden to obvious trends, like Love Will Fix It is. Literal seconds is what it takes to get to that point, as Backstabbers wheels out the swamp-brown drudgery endemic of vast swathes of radio-metalcore, topped off by the watery vocal filter if the over-production wasn’t already blatant enough.
In fact, ‘average’ is probably the best possible word for it—quality-wise, there’s absolutely nothing to write home about, but also, across Love Will Fix It in its entirety, Emil Bulls are the culmination and distribution of every trope and hammered-in creative beat that’s turned alt-metal into such a faceless cesspit. At the expense of actual dynamic heft, the overall plod tries to foster some vein-bulging tension in how profoundly the guitars and bass will grind, but seldom is anything achieved past a superficial level. The inherent dullness of it all slams on the brakes rather early on, where even if this isn’t the worst thing ever, there’s no impetus to pay attention. Emil Bulls clearly aren’t a wealth of creative mojo, made more blatant when corralled in their corner of their airwaves, and thus, generating interest isn’t something that’s much in their wheelhouse. Despite the permanently gritted jaws of Christoph von Freydorf, it’s a very perfunctory performance, particularly on songs like The Devil Made Me Do It or Whirlwind Of Doom that barely exist without an entire scene’s wholesale influence behind them. Although, let’s be frank—for a band approaching three decades of existence, it takes some balls to put out a song where the hook is “Doom, doom, doom / A whirlwind of doom / A whirlwind of doom / Is coming for you.” Just…poetry, gents.
What really does Love Will Fix It in, though, is the tone. Specifically how said tone more or less renders any further intentions immaterial, seeing as Emil Bulls struggle to follow their own creative arrow in favour of everyone else’s. Apparently this is an album about hope and healing from (expectedly nebulous) toxicity, though you wouldn’t know it from Emil Bulls’ surliness and angst, festering into petulance in its fixation on being like every other radio-metalcore band malding over probably some breakup. Oh, but don’t worry—that main idea is still here, thanks to disingenuous nuggets of ‘light’ and ‘positivity’ like the title track or Together, as perfunctory knee-jerks to not sound like absolute bitter cranks. In reality, it’s the purest strain of alt-metal DNA devoid of the blessings of human nuance. It’s either overcompensating through bitterness, or limp-wristedly putting forward a notion of ‘rising above it’.
So, what does that all lead to? Well…another one of these, really. Another album fed through a meat grinder that’s close to falling apart through sheer wear-and-tear, only to come out with even less to be impressed by than usual. At least these bands might occasionally stumble upon a hook that’ll steamroll on principle alone; Emil Bulls don’t even have the capacity for that. The profound feeling of disinterest is just that quick to take over, and there’s nothing present here to mitigate it. Hell, songs like Levitate and Sick almost feel like vested attempts to try to with a quicker tempo or brighter tone, but that only winds up worse when they’re ill-defined and smeared over in truly unappealing ways.
It doesn’t take much more analysis to deduce why Emil Bulls have remained firmly out of the limelight for all this time—there’s just nothing to them that’s worth caring about. They’re so similar to their compatriots, but in the least ear-catching or endearing ways. On their own merits, there’s either a microscopic amount to grab onto, or a lack of personality that blocks the door before you’re even in. They’re hardly alone in all that, but the fact they’ve spent an inordinate amount of time active, only to come along with something like this so far down the line, is a little sad. Clearly there’s an audience to keep them afloat for this long, and maybe they’d appreciate aiming higher, or at the very least, the effort to try.
For fans of: Asking Alexandria, Five Finger Death Punch, Of Mice & Men
‘Love Will Fix It’ by Emil Bulls is released on 12th January on Arising Empire.
Words by Luke Nuttall
