When I was about 15, ITV2 used to show Forgetting Sarah Marshall a ridiculous amount. I watched it a silly number of times. The cast was decent. The aw-shucks heartbroken man romcom premise was done surprisingly well, due to Jason Segel’s choice writing, whose knockabout comedies were doing very well then too. The film also has a deranged subplot where Segel’s TV composer Peter Bretter aspires to write a musical based on a lovelorn Dracula. It’s genuinely rip-roaring in the final scenes where his ‘crying Bela Lugosi’ vocals actually translate to a staged puppet show. So much so that I’m reflecting on it now, in the year 2025, thinking: what if that actually existed as an album?
It’s taken almost two decades to get there, but Jordan Olds has basically decided to take that mission on. As an accomplished musician, comedian and talk-show host (the corpse-painted Gwarsenio Hall on Two Minutes To Midnight; the one that gets metal and hardcore’s leading members to collide in riotous cover versions), nobody is better to do this Blood Vulture idea––and through a Pure Noise Records release, no less! Also telling the tale of a reclusive, regretful vampire musing about immortality in a mortal world, Die Close has even more ties to Segel’s take on Bram Stoker’s classic. The balance of potential piss-take with alarmingly good musicianship for one. And puppets. Committed to the bit, Olds even worked with SFX artist Kelly Harris to construct the Count’s familiar Montague for accompanying videos. Comedy record or inspired “grungy, gothic sludge”? It’s hard to tell.
All the signs listed above point to the former. As did the record label’s note of Die Close being set “deep in the heart of a dark, mythical land (New York) in a bygone era (2025)”, essentially mimicking the televised version of What We Do In The Shadows. Music-wise though, Olds’ playing and general panache does take itself somewhat seriously. There’s operatic sound and structure to Overture, Interlude and Finale, carrying the ill-fated romance call of “here, come die close to me” as a throughline. From the start’s glammy squealing guitars and gloomy atmosphere of it all, Olds drills well down into his doomy well. An Embrace In The Flood, opening with some slightly awkward electronics, leans far into Pallbearer’s territory with all the skronk-face breakdown riffs you blood-crave as much as the singer channelling the dual cadences of Layne Staley and Jerry Cantrell.
It’s the sludgier feel that dominates much of Die Close, before it careens into theatrical and metallic elements. Olds goes brash with Hetfieldisms, so repeatedly you can’t imagine the line “every night I’ve been dreaming that I’m starving toooo deeeeaaaaath” sung in any other way. A Dream About Starving To Death, as it’s called, also features three guitar lines moving like overlapping snakes, very macabre and delicious, before taking a hellride out of nowhere. Things are similarly thrilling with pummelling double-kicks on Grey Mourning, throwing in melodic leads from AFI’s Jade Paget of AFI for good measure.
Of course, Olds’ celebrity address book calls other names out from backstage. Kristin Hayter (Lingua Ignota) heralds “here my voice howling death!” in spooky haunted mansion style on the record’s most triumphant display of gothic romance Entwined. Shadows Fall’s Brian Fairlends some fitting low growls to the chug-along early stages of Burn For It that eventually segues into some sort of diabolical organ-led church religious ceremony. In that way, it’s a perfect setup for tracks entitled The Silence of God and Abomination, which go a bit symphonic black-metal for even more dark drama that you are, at this point in the tracklist, all consumed by. On the flip side the closer feels as uplifting as it intends, with the vampire protagonist finally exclaiming “you’re dying close to me!”.
It’s a themed record very well executed, considering all the hero-worship and mythical nonsense it packs in. And no matter whether it’s intentional parody or not, or if the sound is stretched quite thin across its runtime, it’s difficult to avoid doing your neck in or finish with a great big goofy smile across your face. You want a straight up fun-as-all-hell record from Gwarsenio (sorry, The Master), you’re getting it. So just like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, then. Only more metal.
For fans of: SpiritWorld, Alice In Chains, Pallbearer
‘Die Close’ by Blood Vulture is released on 27th June on Pure Noise Records.
Words by Elliot Burr
