REVIEW ROUND-UP: We Came As Romans, Blackbriar, Joe & The Shitboys

We Came As Romans

All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed

God, are We Came As Romans really still this boring? Actually, stupid question; they’re a metalcore band who peaked in the late 2000s and early 2010s, so of course they are. Even at their most personally fraught point on 2022’s Darkbloom, it couldn’t inspire more than a bang-average performance from them, so there’s quite literally no hope for just another regular album. Still, as long as Memphis May Fire exist, We Came As Romans aren’t the absolute worst dreg of their dead era. They might be the most redundant, though, as outside of a title embodying the laughable ponderousness that these cardboard cutouts have always held near and dear (for whatever reason), All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed doesn’t even have enough worth making fun of.

Right now, when they’re still flashing the calling card of a metalcore era that should not, under any circumstances, have persisted into 2025, there’s barely anything to even say about We Came As Romans. They can land on a good chorus when it suits them, like on bad luck or one by one, but everything about them is too generic to last. The music (when not a platter of Octanecore blandness like culture wound) has barely moved a muscle in a decade, as seen on the tired electronic pulse on red smoke and the overtaking pop production of where did you go. And the writing? Come on—this is a We Came As Romans album; you know it’s barely worth mentioning. Hell, with its metaphors and imagery around water and being dragged under, it must’ve taken some Spartan fortitude to not throw in a “drown in the undertow” on lake of fire.

The best that you can say is that Dave Stephens is still carrying this band as a solid all-round frontman. That seldom equates to anything special, but ratcheting his performance up to what has to be an uncomfortable level on bad luck, no rest for the dreamer and so lost (burning flowers) is more effort than most are willing to put in. Not that that swings All Is Beautiful… around by any stretch. If anything, it’s more of an indictment on this zombified brand of metalcore, where an inkling of passion (however genuine or…not) is worth pointing out in the first place. ‘Cause it’s not like We Came As Romans have much going on besides that. They’re showing their age in horrendous fashion, and in such obvious ways. But as you’ll notice, the song titles are in lowercase, so that makes them cool and with-it, y’know.

The other noteworthy thing here is how the closer BECAUSE WE’RE DOOMED cycles back around to lead into opener ALL IS BEAUTIFUL…, which is more creative than We Came As Romans have ever been presumed to be. Though, that also implies that people would be listening multiple times, instead of forgetting this exists a fraction of a second after it’s over. No one’s losing their mind over this, or having any kind of strong reaction at all, especially positive. It’s a We Came As Romans album in 2025; realistically, what are you expecting? At least it forwards the legacy of their Glad You Came cover as still the most recent thing of note they’ve ever done. Stellar… • LN

For fans of: Wage War, I Prevail, Fit For A King

‘All Is Beautiful… Because We’re Doomed’ by We Came As Romans is out now on Sharptone Records.

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Blackbriar

A Thousand Little Deaths

Delicate soundscapes, gothic tragedies and fairytales, not unlike those of the Brothers’ Grimm, are hidden in Blackbriar’s haunting sound. The Dutch ensemble is instantly recognisable through their dark aesthetic and sonic qualities, fronted with Zora Cock’s enchanting and characterful vocals. A Thousand Little Deaths marks the band’s third full length continues Blackbriar’s whimsical storytelling, that aptly balances the shadowy gloom with intrigue and the odd glimpse of hope.

Bluebeard’s Chamber breathes gradually into life with ghostly piano keys and high strings soon erupting into a full collection of heavy instrumentation, full orchestra and ethereal lead vocals. From the off, the grandeur and theatricality of A Thousand Little Deaths is clearly presented. Deeply emotive, The Hermit And The Lover builds anticipation with an eager pace across the instrumental layering. The track’s chorus is a soaring anthemic section, contrasting with the rhythmic intensity of the verse. My Lonely Crusade provides a tale under darkening skies with thundering heaviness, enticing vocal layering, and eerie whispers.

The Catastrophe That Is Us sees twinkling piano and strings accompany Cock’s vocals that float above in a dreamlike longing. Green Light Across the Bay voyages through sombre waters with movement in the heavier instruments grounding the sound. The dancing melodies that rise and fall above are steeped in an alluring tone. The soulful chorus lyrics are most enchanting. A morbid offering is found in I Buried Us. The more minimalist arrangement of the verses presents a different side to Blackbriar’s sound before opening into a grand display of symphonic led heaviness and a truly macabre mood. Harpy concludes A Thousand Little Deaths with an otherworldly air. Drawing in fantastical and mythical elements, the inclusion of folk instruments enhances the theme of this track.

Blackbriar continue to captivate further with each release. From the seductive sirens’ call to dark romances, the band deliver the utmost bewitching tales and powerful heavy symphonic soundscapes. • HR

For fans of: Eluveitie, Visions Of Atlantis, Lord Of The Lost

‘A Thousand Little Deaths’ by Blackbriar is out now on Nuclear Blast Records.

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Joe & The Shitboys

Greatest Shits

This is a band called Joe & The Shitboys, self-described as “queer vegan shitpunks”. Their album is called Greatest Shits. It’s 37 songs of some of the scabbiest, most rudimentary lo- to no-fi punk you’ll have heard in a while, a lot of them not even cracking a minute in length. There are titles like IF YOU BELIEVE IN EATING MEAT START WITH YOUR DOG, IF YOU WANNA BE A CUCK I’LL BE YOUR BULL and EAT ASS YOU FUCKING COWARDS. That should be enough of a review, right? Surely you’ve got the gist of how this band operates.

Well, okay, there’s a bit more to bring up. For one, they’re from the Faroe Islands, so a more novel accent gives Joe a more rounded, almost welcoming vocal timbre than you might expect. They also wield a considerably sharper skewer than what their piss-taking titles may suggest. On MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE, PULL THE TRIGGER, THE GOOD OL’ DAYS and plenty others, quintessential punk acerbity melds with an edge of satire and Joe & The Shitboys’ clear distaste for spending too long in one place. (For perspective, the longest song here is an eye-watering, Dream Theater-esque two minutes and nine seconds.) In fact, it’s the total lack of interest in going by the book that gives Joe & The Shitboys their edge, to where any supposed trolling is underscored by genuine effort.

Therefore, Greatest Shits exists more as a fun oddity to gawk at, more than anything in itself that’s…well, great. There’s some really shabby production here, beyond the expected lack of finish as Joe appears to sink further back into the mix as the album progresses. Also—and this might go without saying—37 tracks with so many of them being only seconds long hardly produces a svelte beast. At least Wonderwall is meta-conceptually funny, appropriating one of the most recognisable song titles ever for a sub-minute bash of noise. Elsewhere, however, to call fuCk or YOU ARE MY FRIEND ‘fragments’ is even being too generous. This whole package is actually comprised of three albums mushed together with some extra tracks on top, and while not excessively long, it’s still a gauntlet when peppered with these musical spare parts.

And yet, Joe & The Shitboys are the furthest thing from unlikable or intolerable. Perhaps it’s the gall to even exist as something like this, the antithesis of anything remotely polished or fit for market. Again, you get way more out of Greatest Shits when viewing it as a curio or a weird blip that’s been allowed to break containment. The likelihood is that Joe & The Shitboys themselves wouldn’t have it any other way. They’ve already got Iggy Pop, Travis Barker and Rick Rubin in their corner, so don’t underestimate the wherewithal of these queer vegan shitpunks and their obtuse, abject racket. • LN

For fans of: Viagra Boys, Yard Act, The Bobby Lees

‘Greatest Shits’ by Joe & The Shitboys is released on 29th August on Alcopop! Records.

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Words by Luke Nuttall (LN) and Holly Royle (HR)